Haha! Now yes, I have noticed things are getting a little TOO EMO around here. Also in my life too!! Yes, I have been on an emotional roller coaster these days. But just sitting here reading some of my old posts...damn, enough is enough! I'm tried of worry about stupid shyte. Who does what, who doesn't do this or that! I'm letting all the shyte phase me! And is not worth it anymore. Its not worth all the stress and anxiety I put myself through. Peeps are going to be who they are, good or bad. Why stress over things you have no control over? (Some once told me that) Things are just the way they are. I really need to just appreciate what I have!
Looking on my life, yes, things are a little hard, yes, I wish I could change somethings, or repair somethings. But it ain't happening, so why fuss over it.
I have a beautiful daughter, loving family, great friends. I have money in my pocket, a roof over my head, clothes on my back and reliable transportation. What they hell is wrong with me?!?
I just need to get over the drama and start living my life. Not dwell on what I can't change, right??
I always try to remember the prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can change and change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!!"
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Its official, I'm a loser!
Well, I have been toying with the idea of hanging up my scholastic hat and I think I've decided to do just that. Or either changing my major. I love programming, I like scripting, and make things happen on the computer, but it just doesn't seem fulfilling anymore. Maybe is the position I'm in, but its what I want or thought I wanted to do with my life. Things aren't challenging anymore, no excitement, no nothing. Except boredom.
Before I was a Data Manager, I was a Secretary for our tribal Finance department. I really like the job, what I did, everyone was really nice. Its was an awesome job. But I needed more pay so I moved into my current position. I have to admit, I was really blinded by the dollar signs. I saw the opportunity to make more money, and jumped on it. Which looking back on things now, it was probably a mistake.
I thinking about changing schools and possibly exploring Accounting or Business Administration. Accounting is looking attractive, because its black and white. With numbers, you always get an answer, (someone once told me). The answer is in front of you, you just have to find it. Business Admin, because it sounds good. My tribe is growing economically, and going on in various business ventures. I would definitely like to be apart of that! I have this feeling that our tribe is going to be very profitable within the new stuffs that they are going to be going in on. But we have to wait and see.
This may all just be me talking out my ass, but I'm seriously considering changing things. I don't know, well just have to see what comes up...
Before I was a Data Manager, I was a Secretary for our tribal Finance department. I really like the job, what I did, everyone was really nice. Its was an awesome job. But I needed more pay so I moved into my current position. I have to admit, I was really blinded by the dollar signs. I saw the opportunity to make more money, and jumped on it. Which looking back on things now, it was probably a mistake.
I thinking about changing schools and possibly exploring Accounting or Business Administration. Accounting is looking attractive, because its black and white. With numbers, you always get an answer, (someone once told me). The answer is in front of you, you just have to find it. Business Admin, because it sounds good. My tribe is growing economically, and going on in various business ventures. I would definitely like to be apart of that! I have this feeling that our tribe is going to be very profitable within the new stuffs that they are going to be going in on. But we have to wait and see.
This may all just be me talking out my ass, but I'm seriously considering changing things. I don't know, well just have to see what comes up...
Friday, April 20, 2007
Who gives a shit???
Its funny how you think you know everything. Its funny how you think your life is going the way it needs to, that everything and everyone in it, is SO awesome. Then something or someone gets thrown into or out of the mix and everything falls apart. Everything and everyone you thought meant anything to you, doesn't give a shyte about you now. Its funny how they never called before and now they want to be your best friend. Its funny how before they were your best friend, and now you never hear from them. Its funny how someone claims to be your best friend and now, they are the ones that cause you the most pain. Its funny how those that claim to be your family, don't give two thoughts about you now. And those that are new to your life, seem to be the only ones that truly understand you.
Where is all this coming from?? If you really know me, and even care, then you know.
Sometimes I feel like giving it all up, in someways I have. Those that I thought would always be there, were some of the first to give up on me. Its hard to deal with sometimes. Moving forward... but she makes it all worth it, my little one is the only bright light in my world. She is what gets me through the rough times. Its funny how, all of them are turning their backs on me, (I hope they know) they are doing the same thing to her. Those that TRULY love and care for her, have been there for us, all these years!! And the one who should've been the one to stand by us, is running forward with their life, moving forward with others. While me and her sit here, wondering if we even matter to anyone.
But she is my world and always will be!! The only person that has meant anything to me. I do everything for her, she is what gets me up every morning, making her world the best I can is the only priority to me! Its hard... really hard; doing it all on my own. But she is worth it, her happiness is what only matters, now!
Where is all this coming from?? If you really know me, and even care, then you know.
Sometimes I feel like giving it all up, in someways I have. Those that I thought would always be there, were some of the first to give up on me. Its hard to deal with sometimes. Moving forward... but she makes it all worth it, my little one is the only bright light in my world. She is what gets me through the rough times. Its funny how, all of them are turning their backs on me, (I hope they know) they are doing the same thing to her. Those that TRULY love and care for her, have been there for us, all these years!! And the one who should've been the one to stand by us, is running forward with their life, moving forward with others. While me and her sit here, wondering if we even matter to anyone.
But she is my world and always will be!! The only person that has meant anything to me. I do everything for her, she is what gets me up every morning, making her world the best I can is the only priority to me! Its hard... really hard; doing it all on my own. But she is worth it, her happiness is what only matters, now!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Random thoughts...
I thought I posted this, but I guess I forgot to...
A couple of days ago, my sister attended a funeral for a co-workers daughter. Apparently the girl had committed suicide; she was only 11 years old. Hearing this, makes me feel so upset. What can possibly be going on to make this child (yes, shes a child) take her own life? I mean 11 years old, that's like fifth grade, she didn't even know what is was like to live! it really saddens me!
I have a niece that's 10 years old. Shes my baby, she was the first of my nieces and nephews, the first baby I was around and helped raise. I don't know what any of my family would do if something happened to her. I love her like my own, she is...like I said, my baby. Its hard to image what could going through this young girls head, that would make her think, that leaving this world is the only way out. It saddens me to think, that there are probably other young kids thinking the same thing. What is happening to our society, that our CHILDREN are choosing to leave us. I look at my daughter, and think, what is the world going to be like when she is 11 years old? Its crazy.
Now, I have to admit, I have had my own personal issues. I have had several occasions, where I too, have fallen short. (You could say) And have thought things too. Not until I was older, high school maybe. But at 11, I was just a kid, enjoying playing with my sister and my cat and going to school, playing in the school band. Its just SO sad that now, young kids are in trouble.
But sadly, this is not the first occurrence of someone this young taking their own life around here. I remember a couple of years back, another child did the same thing. And I think another one a couple of weeks after that. What is happening here??? What is going on??? And is there any way to stop this from happening again?? So many questions come into my mind... what could I do as a parent, to help these kids, or my own kid from walking down the same path?
Its really scary, to think about stuffs like that... hmmm. But really what could be done? Anything??
A couple of days ago, my sister attended a funeral for a co-workers daughter. Apparently the girl had committed suicide; she was only 11 years old. Hearing this, makes me feel so upset. What can possibly be going on to make this child (yes, shes a child) take her own life? I mean 11 years old, that's like fifth grade, she didn't even know what is was like to live! it really saddens me!
I have a niece that's 10 years old. Shes my baby, she was the first of my nieces and nephews, the first baby I was around and helped raise. I don't know what any of my family would do if something happened to her. I love her like my own, she is...like I said, my baby. Its hard to image what could going through this young girls head, that would make her think, that leaving this world is the only way out. It saddens me to think, that there are probably other young kids thinking the same thing. What is happening to our society, that our CHILDREN are choosing to leave us. I look at my daughter, and think, what is the world going to be like when she is 11 years old? Its crazy.
Now, I have to admit, I have had my own personal issues. I have had several occasions, where I too, have fallen short. (You could say) And have thought things too. Not until I was older, high school maybe. But at 11, I was just a kid, enjoying playing with my sister and my cat and going to school, playing in the school band. Its just SO sad that now, young kids are in trouble.
But sadly, this is not the first occurrence of someone this young taking their own life around here. I remember a couple of years back, another child did the same thing. And I think another one a couple of weeks after that. What is happening here??? What is going on??? And is there any way to stop this from happening again?? So many questions come into my mind... what could I do as a parent, to help these kids, or my own kid from walking down the same path?
Its really scary, to think about stuffs like that... hmmm. But really what could be done? Anything??
~What a weekend!!~
My weekend started off decent. Had some Cheesecake Factory Friday night! Yummy! I have been craving some Cheesecake factory, their club sandwich is the BOMB!! And their 'JWs lemonade' is rather tasty too!
Saturday, was a little down hill. I ended up getting the worst hair cut of my life!! I usually go to 'Toni & Guy' hair salon. Its a little pricey, but I like to have peeps cut my hair what know what they are doing. However, such as NOT the case!! My usual girl was out, so I ended up with someone else! It took two freakin hours to cut my hair; the girl didn't know what to do. I didn't think it was that difficult. She kept having to ask one else how to do this, or that. Its was awful!! The cut came out as best it could, but its really short. The manager gave me my cut at 20% discount. So I was somewhat satisfied. But I guess I have to find another place to cut my hair. I was pissed!
Sunday, was a good day. its was my little girls birthday party. I like to have her parties at Peter Piper Pizza, less hassle. They cook all the food, decorate and entertain the kids. I just have to show up, serve the food and cake, and pay. They also clean up, added bonus. The party went good, Kaydee really enjoyed herself. I didn't get to see her much during the party, she was out playing with her cousins. She had a great time. Her father and I got her a kids digital camera and tricycle. She loved them both and has been taking lots of pictures. I want to make a little slide show titled: "The World Thru the Eyes of Kaydee". Maybe I have a future photographer on my hands. I think she is going to be something like that, artistic. She really enjoys drawing, and dancing. Nothing like me, I couldn't draw anything to save my life. And I don't have any type of rhythm and balance for dancing.
Its funny how we want our children to somehow follow in our footsteps. I try to get Kaydee interactive with the computer, but no go. Sadly she doesn't seem to interested in it, unlike me when I was younger. Any time I had and a computer was nearby, I was on it. Its funny to think about that now, I would just look at encyclopedias, dictionaries, play OregoTrail, whatever I could. (Yes, this was before the Internet). Wow, so long ago.
Saturday, was a little down hill. I ended up getting the worst hair cut of my life!! I usually go to 'Toni & Guy' hair salon. Its a little pricey, but I like to have peeps cut my hair what know what they are doing. However, such as NOT the case!! My usual girl was out, so I ended up with someone else! It took two freakin hours to cut my hair; the girl didn't know what to do. I didn't think it was that difficult. She kept having to ask one else how to do this, or that. Its was awful!! The cut came out as best it could, but its really short. The manager gave me my cut at 20% discount. So I was somewhat satisfied. But I guess I have to find another place to cut my hair. I was pissed!
Sunday, was a good day. its was my little girls birthday party. I like to have her parties at Peter Piper Pizza, less hassle. They cook all the food, decorate and entertain the kids. I just have to show up, serve the food and cake, and pay. They also clean up, added bonus. The party went good, Kaydee really enjoyed herself. I didn't get to see her much during the party, she was out playing with her cousins. She had a great time. Her father and I got her a kids digital camera and tricycle. She loved them both and has been taking lots of pictures. I want to make a little slide show titled: "The World Thru the Eyes of Kaydee". Maybe I have a future photographer on my hands. I think she is going to be something like that, artistic. She really enjoys drawing, and dancing. Nothing like me, I couldn't draw anything to save my life. And I don't have any type of rhythm and balance for dancing.
Its funny how we want our children to somehow follow in our footsteps. I try to get Kaydee interactive with the computer, but no go. Sadly she doesn't seem to interested in it, unlike me when I was younger. Any time I had and a computer was nearby, I was on it. Its funny to think about that now, I would just look at encyclopedias, dictionaries, play OregoTrail, whatever I could. (Yes, this was before the Internet). Wow, so long ago.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Another post
I finally decided to write another post. I have been so busy lately, i haven't had any time to write anything. I;m not really sure if anyone is reading them, probably just James. oh well, Hi Jim! hehe.
Tuesday, my 'Kaydence Leigh turned three'. (That's the theme for her party on Sunday). Anyway, well like I mentioned she was bit under the weather on Tuesday. Thankfully, the Drs couldn't find anything wrong with her. She is fine now, i guess it was just one of those twenty four hour things. Me and her father took her to the movies that day. She's been wanting to see the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie. She loved it! She couldn't take her eyes off the screen. Which was a good thing, i rarely take her to the movies, its hard with a toddler. But she was really interested in the movie. We also did a little shopping, and had lunch with dad. So in all, I think she had a great birthday. This weekend is her party with her whole family. it should be exciting. I have a few more end to tie up, getting candy bags together, a few more decorations, but in all I think we are ready.
On Wednesday, I attended the Phoenix Suns game with my family. I actually had a great time. I'm not really sports too much, I mean its okay, just not my thing. The reason I decided to go, is my niece and nephew are in a dance team with their school and they performed during the pre-game show. They did a great job! I always enjoy watching them perform. Actually the first time I saw them dance, (my nephew did a solo) I cried. Its hard to imagine them growing up so fast. It was heart tugging. Anyway, I really enjoyed the game, got hang out with my older brother, which was awesome, since it has been a while since I actually hung out with him. It always nice to talk and laugh with him. Hes a real character; he makes the party a 'party'.
My brother is 11 years older than me, growing up, he was always a little mean to me. As most brothers are to their little sisters. But we would always have fun! He would make up games and stuff for me and my sister to do. I remember one summer, me, my sister, my two brothers and some of their friends, all had a water balloon fight. Growing up in Arizona, you did all you could to stay cool during the summer months! Occasionally he would take us to Sunsplash and stuff like that. He is a good big brother; I love him a lot!
(A pic of him and my nephew Alan.
More pics of my family outing. Vannah, waiting to get in... Court Shot. My other niece enjoying some pizza.
My favorite family, enjoying the game. And my nephew promoting Peter Piper.
Tuesday, my 'Kaydence Leigh turned three'. (That's the theme for her party on Sunday). Anyway, well like I mentioned she was bit under the weather on Tuesday. Thankfully, the Drs couldn't find anything wrong with her. She is fine now, i guess it was just one of those twenty four hour things. Me and her father took her to the movies that day. She's been wanting to see the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie. She loved it! She couldn't take her eyes off the screen. Which was a good thing, i rarely take her to the movies, its hard with a toddler. But she was really interested in the movie. We also did a little shopping, and had lunch with dad. So in all, I think she had a great birthday. This weekend is her party with her whole family. it should be exciting. I have a few more end to tie up, getting candy bags together, a few more decorations, but in all I think we are ready.
On Wednesday, I attended the Phoenix Suns game with my family. I actually had a great time. I'm not really sports too much, I mean its okay, just not my thing. The reason I decided to go, is my niece and nephew are in a dance team with their school and they performed during the pre-game show. They did a great job! I always enjoy watching them perform. Actually the first time I saw them dance, (my nephew did a solo) I cried. Its hard to imagine them growing up so fast. It was heart tugging. Anyway, I really enjoyed the game, got hang out with my older brother, which was awesome, since it has been a while since I actually hung out with him. It always nice to talk and laugh with him. Hes a real character; he makes the party a 'party'.
My brother is 11 years older than me, growing up, he was always a little mean to me. As most brothers are to their little sisters. But we would always have fun! He would make up games and stuff for me and my sister to do. I remember one summer, me, my sister, my two brothers and some of their friends, all had a water balloon fight. Growing up in Arizona, you did all you could to stay cool during the summer months! Occasionally he would take us to Sunsplash and stuff like that. He is a good big brother; I love him a lot!
(A pic of him and my nephew Alan.
More pics of my family outing. Vannah, waiting to get in... Court Shot. My other niece enjoying some pizza.
My favorite family, enjoying the game. And my nephew promoting Peter Piper.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
My poor baby, home sick on her birthday!
Well today is Kaydee 3rd birthday!! Yes, she is turning three, how the time has flew!! I had an awesome day planned out; first her father and I were going to take some cupcake over the her school for she can celebrate with her friends from school. Then out to dinner just the two of us, and cake and ice cream! Unfortunately she is home sick today! I picked her up from school yesterday, with a temperature of 101. Gave her some meds when we got home; that seemed to help. We had dinner with her Dad, which is always a treat to her. Got some ice cream and headed home. The meds were able to keep her temp down, but she woke up hot again in the middle of the night. My poor baby!! Right now, she is resting at home. Thankfully her Dad was able to come over and sit with her while I came into work. Even though she is under the weather, I'm sure she is having a blast with Daddy. I know she enjoys the time she's able to spend with him. This weekend is her actual birthday party. So I have to get her rested up and fully recovered so she can enjoy that!
Sunday, April 8, 2007
I hate everything....oh and Happy Easter!!
Well today is Easter Sunday. It was the usual today, eating with the family. But what is a family get together without DRAMA! Its wasn't too much drama, but there was some, enough to get me to pack up my little one and head home.
My weekend, was decent, started off on Thursday, hanging, watch some movies and grubbing on some pizza. I really need to borrow the flick we watched, I missed the ending. But its was a good movie. But my weekend was tiring. I'm still recovering now. Maybe that why I'm not in such a good mood today. But its Sunday, beginning of the week, hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I really need to finish up on my homework, Ive really been dragging my feet on getting it done.
Right now, I'm listening to some George Strait. (Yes, I like some country). And feeling down on my self. Usually country kinda does that... that sounds funny. But lately I have been wanting to go two-stepping. I don't know how, but it sounds like fun. My friend, Gary goes, and been telling me I should join him sometime. Maybe I will...
But like I mentioned I have been in a real funk lately. Just thinking about a lot of b#llsh!t stuff.
That's a whole other blog... I'll save that for next time! Gotta get back to work...
My weekend, was decent, started off on Thursday, hanging, watch some movies and grubbing on some pizza. I really need to borrow the flick we watched, I missed the ending. But its was a good movie. But my weekend was tiring. I'm still recovering now. Maybe that why I'm not in such a good mood today. But its Sunday, beginning of the week, hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I really need to finish up on my homework, Ive really been dragging my feet on getting it done.
Right now, I'm listening to some George Strait. (Yes, I like some country). And feeling down on my self. Usually country kinda does that... that sounds funny. But lately I have been wanting to go two-stepping. I don't know how, but it sounds like fun. My friend, Gary goes, and been telling me I should join him sometime. Maybe I will...
But like I mentioned I have been in a real funk lately. Just thinking about a lot of b#llsh!t stuff.
That's a whole other blog... I'll save that for next time! Gotta get back to work...
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
A little shy..
Well I got back one mid-term, just three points shy of an 'A'! I'm happy, but I would have been even more if it was an 'A'. I'll settle for a 'B'. Now I'm just waiting on my other test, but i feel confident about it.
I just finished up the Evites to Kaydee party. Thank god for the Internet, the party is only a couple of weeks and I still have to get out the actual invites for those that don't have Internet access or I don't have an email addy for them.
Umm, there is nothing much else going on... I know, I said things are going to be more interesting in this blog, but right now, there is not much to report. Getting ready to head out to lunch with two of my best friends, which is going to be nice, I haven't seen them for a while, we have a once-a-week lunch date agreement, but we've been slacking. Yummy, I'm ready for some Chinese!!
I just finished up the Evites to Kaydee party. Thank god for the Internet, the party is only a couple of weeks and I still have to get out the actual invites for those that don't have Internet access or I don't have an email addy for them.
Umm, there is nothing much else going on... I know, I said things are going to be more interesting in this blog, but right now, there is not much to report. Getting ready to head out to lunch with two of my best friends, which is going to be nice, I haven't seen them for a while, we have a once-a-week lunch date agreement, but we've been slacking. Yummy, I'm ready for some Chinese!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
The last couple of days...
Were Interesting. :) Well I stayed home with my little one on Thursday, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Friday I tried to bring her into school, so I can get to work, however the teacher found one nit left and said to try again on Monday. Rats!! I was a little upset, but oh well, it was Friday. We just spent the day at home, which actually turned out to be alright, because I had to take my mid-terms. I thought they went rather well. I felt comfortable answering the essay questions, and got most/all of the multi-choice right. So hopefully the grades will be posted soon.
Saturday, I went to a rave. Ugh!! What a night! The night started off good. I picked up a friend to go with at about 9:30. There was no bar at the Rave venue, so we decided to get a couple of drinks before we headed over. After some Sky and Red Bull, I was feeling great. We got to the venue at about 10:20, which was great, because my friend, who I was wanting to see play, didn't go on until 11:00, so I had about 40 minutes to get in. The 40 minutes came and went.... the line was moving very slowly! I was pissed!! By the time we finally got into the party, my buzz was gone, and Jay (Substation) was almost done with his set. Yes, it took us about 1 1/2 hours to get in. I caught the last track of his set and everyone was loving it!! I was so upset, I felt SO bad... I really wanted to see him play. He understood and said theres always next time... :(
The rest of the party was awesome, I esp. enjoyed Sonique's set. She dropped some awesome tunes, it has been a while since I heard someone lay a set down like that! It was great, I danced my tutti off, met a lot of cool peeps and had a great time. Here are some pics from the party. ( I know the quality is a little shyte, the camera on my phone is not to good)
Saturday, I went to a rave. Ugh!! What a night! The night started off good. I picked up a friend to go with at about 9:30. There was no bar at the Rave venue, so we decided to get a couple of drinks before we headed over. After some Sky and Red Bull, I was feeling great. We got to the venue at about 10:20, which was great, because my friend, who I was wanting to see play, didn't go on until 11:00, so I had about 40 minutes to get in. The 40 minutes came and went.... the line was moving very slowly! I was pissed!! By the time we finally got into the party, my buzz was gone, and Jay (Substation) was almost done with his set. Yes, it took us about 1 1/2 hours to get in. I caught the last track of his set and everyone was loving it!! I was so upset, I felt SO bad... I really wanted to see him play. He understood and said theres always next time... :(
The rest of the party was awesome, I esp. enjoyed Sonique's set. She dropped some awesome tunes, it has been a while since I heard someone lay a set down like that! It was great, I danced my tutti off, met a lot of cool peeps and had a great time. Here are some pics from the party. ( I know the quality is a little shyte, the camera on my phone is not to good)
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